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Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
