I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
