What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
