Already got asked if we're dating
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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