I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
