New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
