You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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