6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
