Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
