oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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