ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
