My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize