my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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