I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
