I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
