pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
