Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
