I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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