did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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