Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
