Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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