i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
