i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
