I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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