I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
