she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
