This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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