Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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