i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
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Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
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dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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