tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
