and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
