I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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