...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
