I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I need to calm my uterus...
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
