Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
