will power is for people who don't want to get laid
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
