I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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