Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
