I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Houston, we have a squirter
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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