no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
