careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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