I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just cut my nipple shaving
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
