I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
