nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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