I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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