I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
