So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
