so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
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Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
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There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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