in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
