Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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