my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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