Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
