Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
