just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
