I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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