We won't sleep together?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I have tasted many bathrooms
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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