it was like his penis was on wheels.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
