i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
