Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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