i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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