super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
