He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
