Midget sex pt 2 tonight
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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