If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
