I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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