Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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