The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
