This dress was meant to end up on your floor
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
