I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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