phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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