I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Randomize
