did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
