i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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