Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
