Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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