Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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